The Framework
- Define your core values. Identify 3-5 values that truly matter to you (not what society says should matter). These become your filter for what deserves your attention and energy.
- Run decisions through the filter. When something demands your attention, ask: "Does this align with my core values?" If not, it doesn't deserve your energy.
- Accept the trade-off. Caring about fewer things means being excellent at what matters. You can't care about everything—trying to is a recipe for mediocrity and burnout.
- Embrace necessary discomfort. Your values will lead to hard problems. That's the point. Choose struggles that matter rather than avoiding all struggle.
- Review and refine. Values evolve. Periodically reassess whether your filter still reflects who you want to be. Update as needed.
Use It When
- You feel overwhelmed by competing demands on your attention.
- You're saying yes to things that drain you.
- External expectations conflict with internal priorities.
- You need to make a difficult decision about where to invest time.
- You want to simplify your life without losing what matters.
Avoid When
- You're using values as an excuse to avoid necessary responsibilities.
- Your "values" are actually avoidance patterns in disguise.
- The situation requires flexibility and exploring new possibilities.
- You haven't done the work to identify authentic values versus inherited ones.
Examples
You value creativity and autonomy. A promotion offers more money but less creative freedom. Run it through your filter: money isn't a core value, creativity is. The decision becomes clear—decline and find opportunities aligned with what actually matters to you.
You value deep relationships over social status. An invitation to a networking event conflicts with time with close friends. Filter it: status-building doesn't pass, deepening existing relationships does. Skip the event without guilt.
You value vitality and presence. A demanding work project threatens your sleep and exercise routine. Filter it: short-term career wins don't outweigh long-term health values. Set boundaries and protect what matters.
You value learning and growth. Social media offers entertainment but little development. Filter it: passive consumption doesn't align with growth values. Limit scrolling and redirect that time to books, courses, or practice.
Further Reading
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
The foundational book for values-based filtering. Manson argues that we have limited capacity for caring and must choose wisely what gets our attention.
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The Courage to Be Disliked
Provides the philosophical backbone for living by your own values rather than seeking approval. The courage to be disliked is the courage to live authentically.
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Don't Believe Everything You Think
Helps distinguish between values you've consciously chosen and beliefs you've unconsciously absorbed. Essential for building an authentic values filter.
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